Stress and Children: Identifying Signs and Finding Solutions

Being a child or teen seems not nearly as fun as it used to be. Who’s posting what on social media, worries about getting good grades, relationships at school, home environment and peer pressure have today’s kids feeling the stress to perform, fit in and stand out. When it comes to stress and children, know how to identify signs and find solutions

According to an article published in JAMA Pediatrics, youngsters in 2020 experienced considerably more stress and depression than in 2016. The report states that anxiety rose from 7.1% to 9.2% (a 29% increase), and that the rate of depression went from 3.1% to 4.0%, representing a 27% increase. Researchers noted that the trends began before the COVID-19 pandemic, and the increase between 2019 and 2020 (when COVID started) was statistically insignificant.

Stress and Children Is Normal…Sometimes

Pressures are a normal part of life. Grades, appearance, interactions at school, problems at home and uncertainty about the future can all cause stress. As parents, we know that our kids will trade their current pressures for new ones as they mature, so it’s important to help them learn to cope with stress early.

Not all pressures are unhealthy. We all deal with stress that helps us reach our goals. For instance, your child may be juggling priorities like getting good grades, after-school activities, keeping up with friends and helping out at home. Learning how to budget their time and prioritize their responsibilities prepares them for the future and teaches them accountability. If they have the proper support, working through small amounts of stress can help them focus, make progress and build resilience.

Of course, there are also negative stressors like bullying or other long-lasting adversity that can affect mental and physical health.

Signs of Stress

Kids may express stress in ways we, as adults, may not recognize. What might look like defiance may actually be a sign that a problem is weighing on them. Here are a few signs that your child is under pressure and could use help.

• Irritability and emotional outbursts
• Trouble sleeping
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Struggles with schoolwork
• Behavioral issues at school
• Frequent headaches or stomachaches
• Increased defiance

Keep in mind that reactions can vary widely by age and personality. What you want to be aware of is sudden or drastic changes from previous behavior.

Solutions to Help Kids Work Through Feelings

Facing challenging situations or issues can bring up emotions kids don’t know how to deal with. If you think your child is struggling, help them recognize their feelings and work through their difficulties.

• Speak up. Mention that you notice something is wrong — be specific. (It seems you still feel hurt about not being invited to Kevin’s party.) Try to keep a neutral, casual tone, and avoid putting your child on the spot.
• Listen attentively and calmly. Be patient and open to what they say, and try not to judge, blame or lecture on what they “should have” done.
• Acknowledge their feelings. Your child will feel understood and supported if you say something like, “That must have seemed very unfair to you.”
• Name it. Sometimes kids have a hard time recognizing their feelings. Younger ones may not yet have the words to say they are angry, sad or frustrated. Use appropriate words to give their experience credence regardless of age.
• Help them find the solution. Start a discussion about how they might resolve the problem. Ask them to come up with a couple of ideas or start brainstorming if they are struggling. Just don’t do all the work. Make suggestions that might improve their ideas and ask, “How do you think this will work?”
• Sometimes listening is enough. Sometimes, your child just needs to get it all out and feel accepted. If that is the case, listen attentively. Then try steering the conversation to something more positive or help them do something to feel better.
• Limit stress whenever possible. If an overbooked schedule is causing problems with grades or completing homework, talk to your child about limiting activities to ensure sufficient time for studies.
• Be there for them. Sometimes kids are not ready to talk about what’s bothering them. Don’t push. Be patient. Let them know you are there whenever they want to talk. Suggest something you can do together so that they feel your support.

You can’t make your child’s life conflict-free, nor would you want to. We experience pressures at every phase of our lives, and learning to manage them early is the best way to raise a resilient adult. By helping your child understand their feelings and cope with them, you can help them be happier now and more prepared to face adversity in the future.