How to Support Someone With Diabetes

If someone in your life has diabetes, you know how hard it can be to manage, especially after first getting the diagnosis. You want to support your loved one as they work toward learning about diabetes and controlling their disease.

But it’s important to make sure the support you’re offering is help they want and need. Well-intentioned advice and reminders about diet and exercise may have a negative impact on their behavior and self-image, and your relationship.

A person with diabetes needs to make their own decisions about how to cope with the disease and its physical and emotional effects. Respect their choices and provide positive support. Don’t pressure, criticize or judge, even if you see them struggling to make lifestyle changes you think would improve their health. While diabetes can be controlled with diet, exercise and medication, it can be difficult to make those changes. Remember, it’s a lifelong situation, and even making changes gradually can help prevent diabetes complications.

Ways to Offer Positive Diabetes Support

While you may be worried about your loved one, remember that your role is to be supportive, not to be the diabetes police. Instead of telling the person what they shouldn’t or can’t do, ask how you can make it easier for them to be successful. Have an open discussion, and listen to what they have to say.

Here are some ideas to consider before you have the conversation:

• When someone first gets a diagnosis of diabetes, it becomes the center of their life. They see everything through the lens of what they can and can’t do, whether it relates to desserts, alcohol or exercise. It takes time for them to feel comfortable with the changes their diabetes care team recommends. Give them some space to get to that point.
• The person in your life with diabetes has a unique diagnosis and treatment plan. Their care team designed it specifically for them. Avoid making assumptions based on your own or other people’s experiences with diabetes. What works for one person may not work for another. This depends on their unique insulin reserves, prescription medications, diet plan and activity level.
• Family members can play an important support role by attending medical, nutrition or diabetes education appointments at their loved one’s request. If you’re asked to provide input during an appointment, be factual, nonjudgmental and compassionate. Ask the provider for suggestions on how you can be more supportive.
• Try to be as positive as possible without making comparisons. My patients often hear comments like, “Well, at least it’s only diabetes and not cancer.” That makes them feel like their struggle isn’t valid, when it most definitely is. Diabetes has changed their life and the way they live it. While they’ll hopefully be able to control the disease, it isn’t going to go away.
• You may be able to help them stay on track with a diet plan to manage their diabetes. But don’t expect them to follow their diet 100% of the time. That’s not realistic. I’m pretty happy if my patients follow their diet 80% of the time.
• Staying physically active is important for diabetes management. Ask if they’d like to have you join them for a walk, jog or bike ride. Or suggest joining a gym or going to an exercise class together. Some people have an easier time adding exercise to their lives when there’s a social component. Others may prefer to exercise on their own or only like company occasionally.

Participate in Diabetes Education

Whether someone is newly diagnosed with diabetes or has been living with the disease for a long time, a diabetes education program can be a game changer. Diabetes educators and nutritionists customize exercise and nutrition programs for each specific person.

If you’re invited to join your loved one’s appointment, you’ll have the opportunity to learn the same things at the same time. The knowledge you gain can help you become a more effective support person. For example, if you know that low blood sugar can cause irritability, it’s easier not to take that behavior personally and react negatively, but rather help treat the low blood sugar and then move on with the day.

Be Realistic About Food Choices

While your loved one may not want the rest of the family to have to give up favorite meals, they may not like always eating a separate meal. With the help of a nutritionist or diabetes educator, you can learn together how to make healthy meals and diabetes-friendly snacks that the whole family can eat. Most foods can be incorporated into a meal plan for someone with diabetes, although the quantity may have to be adjusted.

Sometimes it only takes a small tweak to adapt recipes to be more in line with the person’s nutrition plan. For example, use a sugar substitute in a cake recipe. Or use applesauce to replace all or part of the butter for muffins.

At times a smaller portion of a regular dessert may be okay. It depends on the person. Some people with diabetes can have a cupcake followed by a walk with no concern. If that person skipped the walk and instead took a nap on the couch, the cupcake could be a problem. And another person could have a problem having a cupcake no matter how much they exercised.

Even if the cupcake doesn’t cause an issue, a regular dessert should be an occasional treat, not routine. At the same time, if you know the person loves cupcakes, don’t have them in the house. Or put them somewhere out of sight. I had one patient — a woman who was barely 5 feet tall — who asked her 6-foot teenage sons to put their junk food in a cabinet she couldn’t reach. That worked well for that family. Every family has to find its own solutions.

Guest Blogger: Cheryl Barry, RN, MS, CDCES, Manager, Adult Diabetes Education Program, UMass Memorial Health Diabetes Center of Excellence